Who am I to you?

Who am I to determine your future?

I am merely myself

Nothing more

but nothing less.

I wish I could take a rest

But life will not allow it.

You are there

and I am here

Far apart

but somehow near

Still it doesn't

Subside the fear

And I don't know how to 

Stop it.

I guess it's that I hold back on things that are good for me. I think that I try so hard to just be me because I've been so hurt that, if I was hurt again, I don't know if my heart could handle it. Lots of guys will say " I'd never hurt you", and maybe they wouldn't, but it's not something someone can truly  predict.  Here's my thing, I can't and won't do long distance...And, unfortunately, there is someone I would  be with, if he wasn't there.  With that being said, I want us both to see what's out there.  Being best friends is a tough thing, and having feelings for said person, is a lot more tough.  The thing is, losing this person would kill me. I've already lost a best friend  by having a relationship with him, I don't need to do that again....And I think that's another reason why I keep putting it off.

I know I probably sound like a wanker, but I honestly can't help it....I'm so closed off emotionally sometimes, that it's hard for me to open up to people. At the same time, I'd like to find that person that I can see on a regular basis and just enjoy time, I'd like to be able to  put my trust in someone without being afraid of betrayal, I'd like to be able to share my time with someone....But I'm not gonna push anything. I'm me, that's it...If someone wants to join me and spend some time with my crazy self, I'm not pushing away this time. It's time to take risks again, and you know what? I'm really excited about it!

Rice and Beans,

Beautiful Absurdities