Good Morning with a cup of Anxiety

 I knew that  a four year college wouldn't be easy...I know I'm not doing horrible...I'm just nervous that I will fall behind if I don't ask for the help that I need. So I've decided to take advantage of the services that I'm entitled to. Which, I have been really stubborn in the fact that I've been wanting to do this all on my own...But the fact of the matter is, it's too much for me..too much.  The thing that I have to put my mind to is getting this interview business done...and I mean, I'm the interviewee, so it won't be awful, because I'm basically selling myself and I know what I've done and stuff...So, that will be good. 

So that's that.  I feel like I go home....A lot..But, the reasoning this weekend is so that I get a whole mess of homework done, help my mom out with things, and get to see my brother and Shay again..I really missed them and I still want to see them...So yeah, that's going to be good....I just can't get work done in my dorm...I need to start like...living at the Library, because if I don't, again...I'll fall behind.  Mom said that Andrew was always coming home too, and I suppose this is true...or going to Boston...So I shouldn't feel horrible, but yet I do, because we paid so much for this room and I barely stay in it. I mean, November is a diff. story, because I have a lot going on that month and I really want to get good grades.

I spent time with Jared yesterday...That was so much fun....At first I was really anxious because I didn't know how it was going to go, but after a while it felt comfortable again...We were being silly per usual and  I had such a good time. Not to mention that we went to Poet's Walk. That is my favorite place of all time...I always tell people that's where my soul lies, and it honestly does. I only go there with people I truly feel like I can let in. But yeah, we always talked about what it'd be like to share fall together when we were dating...We never got to experience that, but we did yesterday and it was grand. 

What I ultimately need to stop doing is self doubting, because it just makes things so much worse, and  puts me in a toxic mindset. I know that I do that...and seriously, my mom does too...My mom and I are so much alike that it sometimes scares me...But, at the same time, it's nice to have someone who can relate to me so fully. I don't know what I'd do without her in my life. She makes sense of everything that makes me have this intense anxiety.

Anyway, I need to get to work shortly, but, I figured I'd fill you all in on why I'm a crazy person right now.

Love always,

Beautiful Absurdities