Into my Mind, into my Heart.

So I've decided that I'm not going to title this blog until I'm done with it. I'm sitting in Bard gym, waiting for people to come submit their cards to me.

It's actually a pretty sweet job, but sometimes it gets really boring and nobody

shows up. Then I get to sit with my thoughts and while “ thinking”, I realized that I hadn’t blogged in what felt like ages. A lot has been going on in my life, but when it comes to blogging, I’m afraid to really open up because I know that everyone can see this, and it’s just an uncomfortable feeling...However, I can talk about what’s happening with JUST me or really my feelings about a few things, so I will do so.

This coming weekend I’ll be going to Maine with Peter to celebrate six months. When I think of our six months it almost feels like we’ve been together for a lot more than we actually have. We’ve been through a lot together and have had to work as a team to get through of the little issues that most any relationship faces. I am proud that I have a boyfriend that cares so much for me and for us. I don’t think that I could have waded through all the BS that we have without him. He is a great human being, he’s sweet to everyone, he respects everyone, with those few exceptions. He makes me want to be a better person, which, in my opinion, if you don’t really have that with the person, or have someone who challenges you to do your absolute best, you should probably search elsewhere.

What I’ve truly realized is this, you can’t rely on your significant other for everything. I admit that I have and occasionally do, do that, but I’m learning that you can truly only rely on yourself to do the things you want in life, and that is what I intend on doing. A relationship is a partnership, it’s trusting, it’s unconditional love and forgiveness, it’s working out the issues when they have to be dealt with, it’s comforting that special person and always being the honest opinion. But of course love is also very individualized, which I have also come to learn with Peter :). Our love is unlike any other I have ever known...Even after six months I still get the butterflies....And you know what? I absolutely love it.

Other things that have gone on in my life: My “ sister” Heidi has gone off to California....It feels like many people that I have and do care about move out there! What the heck is in the air there??? I have to admit San Francisco is an amazing place, but I just miss her so much. She’s one of the sweetest people I have ever known and one of the most selfless. I’m glad she’s finally doing something for herself rather than having other people in mind by doing so( although I think she’s trying to convince her siblings to move there as well). I just wish her the best and can’t wait until she comes and visits the place she, not too long ago, called “ home”.

Another big thing is that my best friend in the whole world moved her world to Virginia! In a bigger place and with another one of my good friends, Meghan! I’m so excited for them and to visit. I get two for the price of one! How exciting is that!? I miss Jenny so much, we haven’t had many opportunities to hang out recently, but that shall change come October...I seriously need to schedule that flight....Perhaps when I get my next check... I LOVE YOU JENN AND MEGHAN!!!!

Operation get internship is underway and I can’t wait for that either, I’ll be finally working in my field, I’m soooooo excited for it and really look forward to getting my feet wet.

Anyway, that’s really it for now.....I promise I won’t be away for so long next time!!

Love,

Beautiful Absurdities

A Little Insight in My Head

Well, let me just say that this is just me venting out everything that has been going on...I might keep things a little tame because I don't wanna start any shit with anyone. More or less I'll protect them, like I do for all of my friends. Welcome to my mind, my heart, my worries, and my life. Enjoy.

I'm writing this part in red because for me what I'm about to talk about is scary. In the past two years I have sincerely been more worried about things that I probably shouldn't be. However, I feel that I have the right to be in this case. In my last semester at DCC I got an breast ultrasound because I felt lumps absolutely everywhere. Yes, it was awkward, and scary, and weird.....But mostly, I was just in pain and I didn't want to take any chances that it was something potentially life changing. Well, I found out that I have fiber-cysts all over....Always a fun time...In the extreme not way.

SO, yesterday I went to the doctors to get my physical. Woooooo, the well woman's exam, which sucked...a lot, seriously...I hate physicals....They're awkward and nothing like they used to be. Well, I had to get a pap smear, and for all the ladies reading this, it's really awful.... I just expected that nothing would be found....I was wrong. There is a polyp in my cervix, and I have to get ANOTHER ultrasound...only, this is the pelvic one, and the awkwardness comes back...So that's fun. I'm scared, even though they say it's common, it's still frightening. Please keep me in your thoughts.

I am in Meghan's wedding now!!! I'm so happy!!! I have to admit that I was a little bit upset when

she didn't pick me, but now she has and I don't really feel the need to go any further, long story,

one of those things I gotta keep private.

I went out to sushi and double o with my baby for our four month anniversary. Peter,I love you

these last four months have been the happiest I've ever been in my entire life. You are truly everything to me.

Alright all...I don't really have much else going on in there....Love you all

<3,

Beautiful Absurdities

It's a Rainy Day and I'm Working...

So I figured if I was gonna be at work, I might as well blog and pass time. Granted I just started for the day...but, anyway..* deep breath*, where do I begin...I know that I never update, I'm sorry.  I'm usually really busy, and by busy, I of course mean with Peter.  It has certainly been a growing experience at Pace University and I can't even believe it's been an entire school year.  Sometimes I wish that I could just stop time for half a second just to catch my breath...But, that's not in the cards, at least not any time soon.

Alright, well, when I first got to Pace I never thought I'd get used to it.  Here I was, moved in to a place I didn't really know and with people I didn't even pick to be my roommates.  I was worried that I would have an awful experience, since that seemed to run in my friend " family".  Luckily, I was placed with a really nice person who was a nursing major and was always either studying or sleeping...So I felt like I pretty much had my own room.

Over the next few months I learned that  being away helps you grow, helps you to be independent, helps you to understand your limits, most importantly, it helps you to find out who you truly are, and  I was no exception to this. Bah, I needed a different color.  SO anyway, back to where I was.....I figured out  things that everyone had been telling me about myself  all along, but never really believed.  I now am a firm believer that I can do anything I set my mind to and that I am truly meant to be leading this path to become involved in something psychology related.  I realized that I have a heart to big for my body, but that it pretty much defines me, and I'm proud of that. I found that  I would find  special people at the most random places at the the most random times,not realizing how much they would enter my life( thank you peter, I love you).   Some people thought that when I was growing up I was not independent and did nothing for myself. Well, I beg to differ....True, I had help right along the way, but, I pulled myself through many difficult things, I am at a university, I fought against the odds, and now  I will be the third Walsh girl to graduate college, I'm so proud. 

NOW I get to brag about my friends! Jennifer Lynn, I am so proud of you, you paralegal you.

You have done so much for  yourself and I just wanted you to know how proud I am to call myself your best friend. You are an incredible role model and we all miss you back home, so you better get your ass back here! She's dating one of my  OTHER friends, Damien, who I am also proud of, he  is going to school for sports medicine.  YAY D!!! Anyway, Jennifer works her ass off and she  is super modest about it. However,  she graduated American University and  is not at George Washington University.  How many people can say that?  I know a lot, but I mean, how many people that  YOU know can say that?  Not many, that's for sure.  Although I never seem to get my fill of the girl, I will always love her and she will always be the best of my heart.

I'm typing in yellow for Heidi, because she's sunny and blonde?  Haha. Okay, well Heidi does everything. She works,  takes care of  her siblings, goes to school, and manages to have fun too.  I don't really know how she does it, but I am super  proud of her!

Now Peter. Yeah yeahyeah, you saw it coming, I know. I'm typing in red...you know that whole blood thing. I did that because he's in my blood and within me everywhere I go.  My heart pumps for him, I've known this for a while.  This man is amazing, I know I don't have to tell the people who actually read this, but I'm going to anyway.  Nobody knows what he does  or did for me.  This boy cuddled with me as friends, had to deal with me in his bed every night for months.   He waited for me through me rejecting him time and time and time again.  He waited when I told him I wasn't ready for a relationship....He dealt with me through my stress, tears, and insanity episodes.  This man loves me.  I was blind for a long time, but not anymore.  This man  is my rock. No matter what I go through or no matter how hard I fall, he always catches me and he is always there for me when I need him.  I couldn't even dream up someone as good for me as he is.  Thank you Peter F., for being the light in my life and showing me that there are indeed MEN in this world.  I love you and always will. <3

Thank you for listening, I'll update more later probably!

<3,

Beautiful Absurdities

Playing Catch Up.

'Why Georgia why'....Yay lyrics, but really it's cos that's the type of  font I'm writing in.

So, yeah, you guys know that I'm in love and it's all wonderful and things like that. Well, he's been absolutely amazing and patient.  You know when they say you know when you know? Well, I know.  Yeahyeahyeah, you're going to say that I'm silly for thinking that he is the one for me, but you haven't been in my life for  my romantic life.  Jennifer can attest to this.  Can we just talk about how all my friends  like him, my parents, my brother....ughh...so amazing.

Moving right along,  I'm doing really well in school. HOWEVER. Peter made me really angry because he was like ' You can do better than that, you just don't try hard enough'....And it makes  me upset because that's what happened my whole life. My teachers told me that I don't apply myself a lot and that I could do so much better if I did.....IT MAKES ME SO MAD. Fuck that....I try ten times harder than the normal human being....ughhhhh sooo annoying...

Ok...Sad  part:

Brownie's dying. My puppy i've had since five years old...ugh we're putting her to sleep.. heart bleeding...

Love,

BA

Rawr and some other things like rawr!

I willlll be writing a bigger wall post, clearly to tell you all about  my life which I know you so desperately want to read...hahaha

school is crazy

I am crazy

I am in love

I love Peter

I miss my friends

I want to go back to Florida

I love my family

I have a lot of things to do in the coming weeks

This weekend was amazing

oh

have I mentioned I'm in love :)

SoOOOOOO happy!!!

LovelOveloVeLovE,

beautiful Absurdities. 

Update quickly

Sorry I'm so MIA lately, but Pedro( peter in Spanish) is taking up alllllll of my time, so I haven't really had the time to just sit and write...However:

Everyone loves Peter
Classes are lovely
Andrew is a funny human being when he's drunk
I saw coraline and loveeeeed it
I miss a few people
some people are idiots
and I have never been happier...I can't remember when I was.


Jennifer, I love you...Thank you for being my rock when my world was falling apart. You are my best friend, always and forever. <3


Peter, I love you. I do, you have shown me what it is to love and give and get it right back. I can't believe you're the one who chose me. I don't know what I did to deserve you, but I'm glad I did it. I can't believe everything you went through to be with me. It's you and me baby. <3


Life is blissful,
BA.

Short and Sweet.

I have the best boyfriend ever, whom I adore, whom I love.

<3,

Beautiful Absurdities 

"I'll give you all I've got, just spare me your time "

So...I'm officially  taken. Happily. Willingly.  Cannot describe how happy I am right now.

He's in my head. He's not  coming out...Butterflies fill my stomach as I type this. Finally...Finally I have someone I can trust in, someone I can rely on, someone to share experiences with...Who cares for me.  

I knew  great things would happen if I'd only wait. Thank you baby for waiting for me...Thank you for being patient and doing everything you do.

Everybody loves him.. My brother loves him( he's how we met), my parents, my friends....I don't think I've ever had that before. It's soo nice.

Am I afraid? Of course...When do  I EVER get lucky like this? But I'm happy and I'm going to hold onto this feeling for many moons to come.

<3>

Where are you going?

" Hold my hand inside your hands, I need someone who understands, I need someone, someone who hears, for you I've waited all these years."

So...One of my friends is going through a break up....Which sucks, I wish I could make it better.  Then it reminds me that I'm single with her again and I begin to feel a little less alone.  It's weird, people like me...But, that's not what's weird....What's weird is that I'm not happy. I'm not.  I wish that wasn't so. I haven't been genuinely happy since my first relationship....That's so pathetic...I wanna change that.  So person that I'm  meant to be with, come on over my way...I'll be the free spirited one sitting in the corner, looking confused. 

I think I'm a pretty good catch...Why am I never excited anymore? 

Wow, enough with the whining already.

Oy with the poodles already.

------------------

In other news I think I'm getting to the point where I'm ready to go back to school...I mean, it'll be good, but, still not looking forward to leaving home. I feel comfortable here...I feel like I can be myself here and not have to apologize at all..It's a nice feeling...I gotta admit.

ANYWAYYYYYYYYY....Enough of my soap box..

It's definitely break up season....Out with the old, in with the new I guess...

*sigh*

Hoping you and yours are warm,

Beautiful Absurdities 

I don't want to be stuck in your gravity...

Sometimes I feel like a nut(

( that means, sometimes I feel like a nut)

So, here I am...writing my 23rd bloggy thingy...I wasn't gonna blog, just write for myself, but since Tyler and older people think I'm so interesting...Here it goes. 

I feel like retiring my heart for a while...I mean, nothing I set out to love works...People leave, people change, people disappear, people disappoint, people aren't in my stage of life....Sometimes I wonder when my time will be...Then realize that's the reason it's not happening...because I think about it too damned much. What the fuck is wrong with me. I'm lonely....but I don't need a relationship to complete me, don't get me wrong...I just miss being held...being loved...being touched...sharing things with...You know, that stuff.  I figure I should put my energy into something productive...my career....

I don't wanna start school again...ugh.. :/  

I can't write....or I haven't written...too depressed to write...silly, I know, but there ya go..

and with that...I go write for myself.

apres moi,

BA