"This is What it Sounds like When doves Cry."

So this blog isn't particularly gonna be happy. Sorry if you were expecting it to be.

I feel so weird that we kind of " ended" things. I know we weren't dating at all, but it sucks to end a chapter...You know you'll never lose me, but I'm still really sad.  I hate that you don't talk to me. I hate that you don't know what to say to me. And I really hate that you're trying to be less attached. I know, I know...You're supposed to not be so attached to me, but, still makes me sad. I don't wanna make you sad. I don't want you to be upset, ever. I don't want to disappoint you...I don't...I don't want to just be another girl that disappoints you and then we have awkward conversations. You have been such a rock for me. I don't think you realize this. I really don't think it ever sinks in how much a person affects you, until something strange happens...Like that conversation...Then everything that you think about after makes you nostalgic and you feel all these weird things. I will miss everything. This is not a goodbye or anything...Nothing like that, I'm not going anywhere. I just...Well, I don't have to say it. Anyway...It wont get out of my head. 

I'm also really upset about the Shay stuff that happened today. I had a great time...That's not what I'm talking about. But, we had a conversation and whenever I think about it I tear up and cry...It sucks. She was telling me how the distance sucked between her and my brother. I don't wanna say anything more right now....But, yeah...Sucks.

I feel like everyone is in love. I look everywhere and there is love...I'm just lonely...It's not like I'm lonely to be in love...But it'd be nice to have someone. I mean, it only happens on certain days...But I just wanna be held and  have someone tell me they love me and everything is going to be okay...I have so much love to give. So much. I feel like there isn't someone who could honestly handle or appreciate it, so I tend to keep it to myself. I feel like all I ever do in relationships is give, and it's never enough. I don't understand why. I don't understand why someone just can't love me back and why I haven't been excited about love in a really long time. What's wrong with me?

So I'm gonna try this new thing and write a poem on the spot. So, don't critique it too much...It might suck...

You never realize it

Never realize that you have

everything

Anything you can ask for.

Breathing

Family

Friends

Such miracles

Would you recognize a miracle,

if you saw one?

Well I have

I do

everyday.

They say life is too short for sadness

but without it

would we appreciate happiness?

I don't believe I would.

Tears

refreshing

crying

grounding

Breakdowns

beautiful.

So why do you fear it?

Today I was in a booth

with the love of my blood's

life.

She was thinking about putting 

a dam

in between the waters

so she could see this blood

whenever she wished.

But didn't know how.

Neither did I

And now I cry.

Like a river

it's always different

every time a path is put there.

Whether one likes it or not

Distances cannot be fused together...

People cannot be fused together.

And if in some time in the future

We become ostracized and  are brought to sea

I hope it's you

who comes out with me.